Hari ini aku meninggalkan Honey lagi. Huwaaaa! Sungguh aku tak rasa seronok. Dalam diam, aku bertekad tak mau lah out-station dah walaupun cuma 1 minggu sampai Honey dah pandai cakap & faham sikit which is 2 years old maybe. I guess I just have to say bye bye to on-job training & attachment. Note to myself, apply PhD so that tak yah fikir pasal kursus/latihan lagi for next 4 years.
Macam2 bermain di fikiran. Dah lah Honey kurang sihat sekarang. I try to be +ve, I know that Honey will be in good hands just like before when I went to Delft but somehow still I feel worried. Ni baru anak sorang, dah risau nak mampus... kalau ramai tak tau lah camna. Sometimes I guess not only I'm not fit physically to have more kids, but I'm not fit emotionally too. I read somewhere that once you have a child it's possible to be worried 24/7. Very true.
Somehow I feel so tired right now even though it was only 2 hours flight. Maybe because I could hardly sleep last night. So that's all for today. Good nite from Jakarta.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Kereta Kecilku
Pic was snapped on July 14, about 2 months ago.
Kereta ni antara hasil shopping di ToysRUs clearance sale. Sales up to 70%. Sib baik Honey kecil lagi, tak reti meminta. Mama & Papa pulak yang over shopping mainan.
Kereta ni antara hasil shopping di ToysRUs clearance sale. Sales up to 70%. Sib baik Honey kecil lagi, tak reti meminta. Mama & Papa pulak yang over shopping mainan.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Honey's 1st Eidulfitri
1 Syawal 1433 bersamaan 19 Ogos 2012, adalah pertama kali Honey menyambut Hari Raya Aidilfitri. Not Honey's 1st raya though since Honey was born about a month before last year raya haji. Tapi takde gambar masa sambut raya haji.
Persiapan adalah ala kadar. Baju kurung Honey aku beli di awal tahun lagi sebab berkenan dengan pattern & color nya.
Honey's 1st baju kurung...
Baju2 lain pun sudah dibeli sejak awal lagi, bila terjumpa yang berkenan. Tak banyak pun. Ada lah dalam 2, 3 pasang. Alhamdulillah Honey murah rezeki. Cikgu2 di taska pun ada belikan baju Honey. Walaupun katanya murah aje, yang penting ingatan kan.
Honey & Mama di pagi Syawal...
Persiapan adalah ala kadar. Baju kurung Honey aku beli di awal tahun lagi sebab berkenan dengan pattern & color nya.
Honey's 1st baju kurung...
Baju2 lain pun sudah dibeli sejak awal lagi, bila terjumpa yang berkenan. Tak banyak pun. Ada lah dalam 2, 3 pasang. Alhamdulillah Honey murah rezeki. Cikgu2 di taska pun ada belikan baju Honey. Walaupun katanya murah aje, yang penting ingatan kan.
Honey & Mama di pagi Syawal...
Friday, September 21, 2012
Our Juniors
Ketika memandu kereta pulang dari lunch, aku terdengar di radio jika anak melakukan kesalahan, ibubapa juga patut bertaubat. Begitu juga jika isteri melakukan dosa, suami patut turut bertaubat. Ini kerana golongan ini menjadi amanah kepada mereka. Mungkin ada bahagian dosa tersebut menjadi bahagian mereka yang memegang amanah. Lebih kurang macam tu lah. Aku tak cukup arif untuk menyampaikan.
What I'd like to highlight here is the parents part since I'm a parent. It makes me wonder the meaning behind the statement. Of course the statement is true indeed since it has been delivered by a knowledgeable person.
Recently someone told a story about how his sons smoke behind his back, knowing that they won't get the approval. The weird thing is he smokes as well, how come he doesn't expect his sons won't smoke. Hmmm... I know we always want the best for our children & we certainly don't want them to make the same mistake as we do. For example here, smoking is a mistake. So I guess he himself should repent by stop smoking instead of just forbid his sons from doing so.
I guess we parents tend to forget that we're the immediate role models to our children. Just by sending them to religious school won't guarantee they will be good & obedient Muslims. We also have to become one. If we keep playing internet & handphone at home, don't expect our children will be fascinated by the colorful bundle of books that we purposely purchased for them.
So, back to myself as a parent, I hope Honey won't do the same mistake that I have done in the past & maybe will in the future. Hope Allah accepts my repentance & guide me so that I can be a good role model to her.
What I'd like to highlight here is the parents part since I'm a parent. It makes me wonder the meaning behind the statement. Of course the statement is true indeed since it has been delivered by a knowledgeable person.
Recently someone told a story about how his sons smoke behind his back, knowing that they won't get the approval. The weird thing is he smokes as well, how come he doesn't expect his sons won't smoke. Hmmm... I know we always want the best for our children & we certainly don't want them to make the same mistake as we do. For example here, smoking is a mistake. So I guess he himself should repent by stop smoking instead of just forbid his sons from doing so.
I guess we parents tend to forget that we're the immediate role models to our children. Just by sending them to religious school won't guarantee they will be good & obedient Muslims. We also have to become one. If we keep playing internet & handphone at home, don't expect our children will be fascinated by the colorful bundle of books that we purposely purchased for them.
So, back to myself as a parent, I hope Honey won't do the same mistake that I have done in the past & maybe will in the future. Hope Allah accepts my repentance & guide me so that I can be a good role model to her.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Bersediakah Kita?
Khabarkanlah kepada hamba-hambaKu (wahai Muhammad), bahawa Akulah Yang Maha Pengampun lagi Maha Mengasihani (bagi mereka yang bertaubat dan beramal soleh).
Dan bahawa azabKu, ialah azab yang tidak terperi sakitnya, (bagi mereka yang tetap dalam kederhakaannya).
(Surah Al-Hijr: 49-50)
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
A Missing Piece
I think I need to write about this before the feeling totally disappears as a reminder & lesson to myself.
Err actually I think I already forgot the feeling. Ni lah contoh manusia yang mudah lupa. So tulis apa yang ingat je lah ya.
An excerpt from the article that I googled from internet...
Feelings of grief can often accompany a miscarriage. It is natural to feel loss, sadness, anger, and even guilt, despite the fact that the end result is out of your hands.
Yup I did feel guilty at 1st & kalau direnung2 balik sampai sekarang masih ada rasa bersalah. That's why I need to write about it so that I won't forget & remember it as a lesson. A lesson to always be grateful atas kurniaan Allah, kecik atau besar, ready or not. I took a night to absorb the idea that I was pregnant again. I was scared at 1st, I was afraid that I couldn't handle the responsibilities of being a mom to a toddler & a baby. Aku lupa, that should be the last thing that I should be scared of. Aku lupa I should be scared if anything happens during the pregnancy instead.
After a nite, baru aku tersedar. Baru terfikir that I'll travel, can the pregnancy survive & so on. But my concern only regarding the need to travel to Netherlands. Somehow I thought if anything wants to happen, it'll happen due to that. Allah Maha Besar, perancanganNya is beyond our expectation. Rupa2nya balik dari Taiping on Thursday of the 1st week of Raya the bleeding started. Tak payah nak tunggu aku naik kapal terbang.
Masa mula2 keguguran, I felt like something was taken from me. I felt like I was missing something. There was a desire to replace the missing feeling by getting pregnant again. Hahaa. The feeling only lasted for a week. After a week, I guess I've got over it & finally came to my sense. I should be grateful since I still have Honey. The miscarriage only a small test. الحمدلله at least I had a chance to be pregnant again even only for a few weeks. ;-)
Allah's plan is perfect indeed. There's a reason for everything. There's a reason for the pregnancy & miscarriage ordeal. There's a reason why I had started bleeding even before traveling to Netherlands. Seriously even I thought I was ready, but if I started bleeding after travelling it'd be harder for me to take it. The guiltiness might be greater & the travel didn't worth it. Next time I'll avoid taking such risk.
Me, on the day before the unfortunate event, at the city of Delft waiting for dinner.
Now I guess it's time for us to learn & improve ourselves to be a better parents to Honey & our future kids (انشاء الله). I should take time to let my body ready & completely heal. I should be on a diet. Erghhh. No excuse untuk perut buncit anymore.
Allah mengetahui akan apa yang dikandung oleh tiap-tiap ibu, dan mengetahui apa yang kurang dari yang dikandung dalam rahim itu atau yang lebih. Dan tiap-tiap sesuatu adalah ditetapkan di sisiNya dengan kadar yang tertentu.
(Surah ar-Rad: 8)
Err actually I think I already forgot the feeling. Ni lah contoh manusia yang mudah lupa. So tulis apa yang ingat je lah ya.
An excerpt from the article that I googled from internet...
Feelings of grief can often accompany a miscarriage. It is natural to feel loss, sadness, anger, and even guilt, despite the fact that the end result is out of your hands.
Yup I did feel guilty at 1st & kalau direnung2 balik sampai sekarang masih ada rasa bersalah. That's why I need to write about it so that I won't forget & remember it as a lesson. A lesson to always be grateful atas kurniaan Allah, kecik atau besar, ready or not. I took a night to absorb the idea that I was pregnant again. I was scared at 1st, I was afraid that I couldn't handle the responsibilities of being a mom to a toddler & a baby. Aku lupa, that should be the last thing that I should be scared of. Aku lupa I should be scared if anything happens during the pregnancy instead.
After a nite, baru aku tersedar. Baru terfikir that I'll travel, can the pregnancy survive & so on. But my concern only regarding the need to travel to Netherlands. Somehow I thought if anything wants to happen, it'll happen due to that. Allah Maha Besar, perancanganNya is beyond our expectation. Rupa2nya balik dari Taiping on Thursday of the 1st week of Raya the bleeding started. Tak payah nak tunggu aku naik kapal terbang.
Masa mula2 keguguran, I felt like something was taken from me. I felt like I was missing something. There was a desire to replace the missing feeling by getting pregnant again. Hahaa. The feeling only lasted for a week. After a week, I guess I've got over it & finally came to my sense. I should be grateful since I still have Honey. The miscarriage only a small test. الحمدلله at least I had a chance to be pregnant again even only for a few weeks. ;-)
Allah's plan is perfect indeed. There's a reason for everything. There's a reason for the pregnancy & miscarriage ordeal. There's a reason why I had started bleeding even before traveling to Netherlands. Seriously even I thought I was ready, but if I started bleeding after travelling it'd be harder for me to take it. The guiltiness might be greater & the travel didn't worth it. Next time I'll avoid taking such risk.
Me, on the day before the unfortunate event, at the city of Delft waiting for dinner.
Now I guess it's time for us to learn & improve ourselves to be a better parents to Honey & our future kids (انشاء الله). I should take time to let my body ready & completely heal. I should be on a diet. Erghhh. No excuse untuk perut buncit anymore.
Allah mengetahui akan apa yang dikandung oleh tiap-tiap ibu, dan mengetahui apa yang kurang dari yang dikandung dalam rahim itu atau yang lebih. Dan tiap-tiap sesuatu adalah ditetapkan di sisiNya dengan kadar yang tertentu.
(Surah ar-Rad: 8)
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
11 Bulan
Hari ni Honey genap 11 bulan. Weee sebulan lagi nak setahun. No I don't plan any birthday party for Honey. 1stly, bukan dia ingat & faham pun. 2ndly, I expect I'll be busy end of this month. Aku akan ada kursus dalaman pada minggu terakhir bulan 9 & minggu pertama bulan 10 aku akan ke seberang pula.
Honey masih belum berjalan. Tapi aktif sangat2. Tak dapat bayangkan kalau dah dapat kaki nanti macam mana dia punya aktif. So it's ok, take your time baby.
Honey sangat memilih orang. Antara Mama & Papa, yang jadi pilihan mestilah Papa. Orang kata ok lah tu, senang keje aku sebab boleh serahkan Honey pada JD aje. Ye senang, tapi tension gak kalau Papanya hilang je dia ehek ehek.
Mandi sekarang nak lama. Suka tepuk air. Kalau dukung dia keluar dari bilik air tanpa kerelaan, mulalah meragam... buat bunyi yang sangatlah annoying di telinga aku ni. So pagi2 sebelum gi taska, masa mandi & siapkan budak kecik ni memang memerlukan kesabaran yang tinggi. Nak pakai lampin pun susah. Tiap2 pagi aku rasa, merah lah punch card hari ni... tapi Alhamdulillah, somehow rekod masih baik. Kalau tak mandikan rasa macam tak best nak hantar Honey ke taska.
Banyak lagi nak cerita pasal Honey sebenarnya, tapi maybe lain kali. Yang paling penting, seronok tengok Honey membesar dengan sihat. Alhamdulillah.
Honey masih belum berjalan. Tapi aktif sangat2. Tak dapat bayangkan kalau dah dapat kaki nanti macam mana dia punya aktif. So it's ok, take your time baby.
Honey sangat memilih orang. Antara Mama & Papa, yang jadi pilihan mestilah Papa. Orang kata ok lah tu, senang keje aku sebab boleh serahkan Honey pada JD aje. Ye senang, tapi tension gak kalau Papanya hilang je dia ehek ehek.
Mandi sekarang nak lama. Suka tepuk air. Kalau dukung dia keluar dari bilik air tanpa kerelaan, mulalah meragam... buat bunyi yang sangatlah annoying di telinga aku ni. So pagi2 sebelum gi taska, masa mandi & siapkan budak kecik ni memang memerlukan kesabaran yang tinggi. Nak pakai lampin pun susah. Tiap2 pagi aku rasa, merah lah punch card hari ni... tapi Alhamdulillah, somehow rekod masih baik. Kalau tak mandikan rasa macam tak best nak hantar Honey ke taska.
Banyak lagi nak cerita pasal Honey sebenarnya, tapi maybe lain kali. Yang paling penting, seronok tengok Honey membesar dengan sihat. Alhamdulillah.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Hal Keje
Kalau ikutkan mata yang nak terlelap je, memang aku EL hari ini. Sungguh rasa tak larat nak pergi keje. Tapi kugagahi juga.
Hampir pukul 8:30 baru teringat ada kursus. Baru lah nak sapu bedak kat muka. Turned out, rupa2nya kursus tu tangguh 2 minggu lagi.
Dalam mengantuk tu ntah macam mana tetiba datang semangat nak set meeting Rabu ni. Semua ahli kata boleh datang, so meeting on. Baru lah sibuk nak siapkan presentation untuk meeting. Terasa gak sedikit sengal. Sendiri yang set meeting, pastu sendiri yang risau takut tak sempat prepare slide. Patutnya siapkan presentation dulu baru set meeting. Memang dasar suka sangat buat keje last minute.
I just received an email. Nampaknya bulan depan aku akan tinggal Honey lagi. Berat hati sebenarnya tapi nak buat camna, it's an opportunity to learn new things & gain new experience. Kalau last 2 weeks aku tinggalkan Honey for 8 nights... bulan depan 6 malam aje, insyaAllah.
Hampir pukul 8:30 baru teringat ada kursus. Baru lah nak sapu bedak kat muka. Turned out, rupa2nya kursus tu tangguh 2 minggu lagi.
Dalam mengantuk tu ntah macam mana tetiba datang semangat nak set meeting Rabu ni. Semua ahli kata boleh datang, so meeting on. Baru lah sibuk nak siapkan presentation untuk meeting. Terasa gak sedikit sengal. Sendiri yang set meeting, pastu sendiri yang risau takut tak sempat prepare slide. Patutnya siapkan presentation dulu baru set meeting. Memang dasar suka sangat buat keje last minute.
I just received an email. Nampaknya bulan depan aku akan tinggal Honey lagi. Berat hati sebenarnya tapi nak buat camna, it's an opportunity to learn new things & gain new experience. Kalau last 2 weeks aku tinggalkan Honey for 8 nights... bulan depan 6 malam aje, insyaAllah.
Tuesday, September 04, 2012
The Longest Week
Finally, last Sunday I was home. JD tanya penat ke? Ya penat... penat nak mampus ok. Tak tau lah, maybe due to my physical condition & lack of sleep, memang terasa penat gila.
Dalam flight, tak boleh tido. Duduk pun serba tak kene, lenguh sana sini, camna nak tido. Hasilnya, hari Ahad tu dari pkul 8pm tido sampai ke 7am, pastu pkul 11am Isnin sambung tido balik sampai pukul 1pm. Oh tapi malam tu tak tido direct ya. My kesayangan Honey, bangun 2x nak susu, pkul 1:30am & 4am. Wah licin 4oz sekali minum. Satu perkembangan yang baik.
Walaupun penat, no hal kene bangun demi anak tersayang. Terubat rindu. Macam lama gila tak jumpa. Sedangkan 7 hari je. Erkkk 7 hari yang paling lama dalam hidupku. Tambahan pula terasa macam2 berlaku during last week. Kesibukan meeting, keguguran, berada di negara orang pulak tu tanpa family & kawan & of course paling penting I missed my Honey so much. I was counting the days indeed.
Respek to those moms yang boleh berpisah berbulan2 dengan anak, apa lagi yang bertahun2. Sungguh tabah & cekal. I guess not for me.
Alhamdulillah, from my observation Honey did well semasa ketiadaan aku. Honey telah dijaga dengan baik sekali oleh Opah & Tok Wan, kemudian ketika cuti merdeka bertukar tangan kepada Nenek & Mak Mok.
Semalam, JD hantar ke taska. Menangis ketika diserahkan kepada cikgu. Being worried I was, I called the teacher asking how was Honey. Fortunately, menurut Kak Sal, mula2 je Honey menangis, pastu diam dah. That's my Honey... jarang menangis lama unless she's sick. Yelah, 2 minggu tak ke taska, takut juga dia meraung tak henti2. Pagi ni aku hantar, Alhamdulillah diam sahaja, tak merengek.
Now ngantuk gila sebab malam tadi tak boleh tido. Honey bangun sekali je pukul 2am, tapi lepas tu aku tak boleh tido.
Dalam flight, tak boleh tido. Duduk pun serba tak kene, lenguh sana sini, camna nak tido. Hasilnya, hari Ahad tu dari pkul 8pm tido sampai ke 7am, pastu pkul 11am Isnin sambung tido balik sampai pukul 1pm. Oh tapi malam tu tak tido direct ya. My kesayangan Honey, bangun 2x nak susu, pkul 1:30am & 4am. Wah licin 4oz sekali minum. Satu perkembangan yang baik.
Walaupun penat, no hal kene bangun demi anak tersayang. Terubat rindu. Macam lama gila tak jumpa. Sedangkan 7 hari je. Erkkk 7 hari yang paling lama dalam hidupku. Tambahan pula terasa macam2 berlaku during last week. Kesibukan meeting, keguguran, berada di negara orang pulak tu tanpa family & kawan & of course paling penting I missed my Honey so much. I was counting the days indeed.
Respek to those moms yang boleh berpisah berbulan2 dengan anak, apa lagi yang bertahun2. Sungguh tabah & cekal. I guess not for me.
Alhamdulillah, from my observation Honey did well semasa ketiadaan aku. Honey telah dijaga dengan baik sekali oleh Opah & Tok Wan, kemudian ketika cuti merdeka bertukar tangan kepada Nenek & Mak Mok.
Semalam, JD hantar ke taska. Menangis ketika diserahkan kepada cikgu. Being worried I was, I called the teacher asking how was Honey. Fortunately, menurut Kak Sal, mula2 je Honey menangis, pastu diam dah. That's my Honey... jarang menangis lama unless she's sick. Yelah, 2 minggu tak ke taska, takut juga dia meraung tak henti2. Pagi ni aku hantar, Alhamdulillah diam sahaja, tak merengek.
Now ngantuk gila sebab malam tadi tak boleh tido. Honey bangun sekali je pukul 2am, tapi lepas tu aku tak boleh tido.
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