Hello 2020

Let's recap what had happened in 2019.

Alhamdulillah, as I mentioned in my previous post, 2019 has been good to me.

Ok kita mulakan yang tak best dulu.

I had been criticised badly by the top management & students, for 2 different reasons of course.

On my defend, I believe I had delivered a pretty good job. Not excellent maybe, but at least OK. To be honest the criticisms kinda demoralising.

Well I guess it's part of Allah's test to see how patient & positive I am. Cakap memang senang kan... Now it's actually the time to practice what I believe. Always be positive. Tak kisah apa pun orang kata. Be patient. Just do anything for the sake of Allah. Bukan untuk dapatkan penghargaan manusia. So it's ok. Teruskan je buat kerja bersungguh-sungguh & try to deliver the best lillahita'ala. InshaaAllah 💪😁. Most importantly, Allah knows your effort & that's what counts.

Ok lah, tu je nak highlight pasal yang tak best. Both actually regarding to work.

Pasal yang best plak, sambung next post.

2015: Chicken Pox

Huhuu, still in the year of 2015.

Since I was pregnant with Honey, I've been saving my annual leaves for emergency case such as kid got chicken pox & sick. So alhamdulillah, I have quite many annual leaves that I carried forward that taking leave is not a big deal to me. Also alhamdulillah, despite I'm ready to take leaves whenever the kids got sick, they actually rarely got sick.

However, in 2015 both of them had chicken pox. First, it was Iman in late of August. No high fever whatsoever, I just noticed red blisters at her body. Since it was my first experience, I got a bit nervous. I didn't know exactly what to do & couldn't wait to bring her to a clinic on the next day. Alhamdulillah, the doctor said it was still at early stage that it can be controlled by antiviral. Iman remained active & easy to be taken care of. However I was quite busy so I couldn't take leaves for more than a week straight. Basically, me & JD took turn taking leaves.

After went to a clinic, kita makan dulu! The blisters weren't so obvious but they were there.

Da kenyang, balik tido, calit losyen gatal...

Then in late of October, I noticed blisters on Honey's body. Coincidentally, I had a 2-week course so taking leaves wasn't an option at all. Luckily it was Honey, who was big enough to stay with her Nenek. She didn't mind going to Nenek's house. I guess she'd rather go anywhere but her kindy. Even after she was recovered, she still claimed she had chicken pox by pointing at the scars & made an excuse for not going to kindy. Like Iman, Honey also didn't suffer from high fever due to the chicken pox. She remained active but now & then would whine about feeling itchy.

Happy Honey at Nenek's house despite suffered from chicken pox.

When Iman had chicken pox, I was quite afraid if I'd get infected too. Mak said I only had chicken pox when I was a baby. So there was a big possibility I'd get infected again. However, alhamdulillah, I didn't. I guess I was immunized somehow. As for JD, he already had suffered from it when he was a big kid.

2015: Heart Attack

Yup still in 2015.

JD asked me if I remember about anything special today. 6/1... nope in my memory. It turned out, a year before, it was a day when JD had a heart attacked. Seriously. Not yet 40 but already had a heart attack.

Reminisce about the day, it was Wednesday morning, about 10am. I was shocked when I received a simple Whatsapp message with lots of typo from JD saying that he had stroked by a heart attack. I tried to call him but failed. Later I received a call from him, but on the other line it was his colleague informing me about his condition. So I rushed to Hospital Serdang. Calmly rushed. Yup. Somehow, I managed to compose myself & stay calm. While driving, I told myself I was ready for any results. Seriously I didn't cry at all.

When I arrived at Hospital Serdang, looking for a car park, I received another call, requested me to be hurry to give consent for the doctor to perform angiogram on JD. A few minutes after while I was still looking for a car park, another call came in informed me that the doctor already started performing angiogram on JD & the consent was given by JD himself since he was still awake.

I parked my car & JD colleagues was waiting for me outside the ER. Then they escorted me to level 4 I think, where the cardiology department was located. I could see code blue signs along the way. Reminded me to ER & Grey's Anatomy TV series where when a patient suddenly have a heart problem or cardiac arrest, code blue alarm would be called.

At code blue area.

I had to wait for more than 1 hour. JD's colleagues already gone by then. I called Kak Sal & asked her help to picked Honey up from kindy cos it already showed 12pm. Then, JD was pushed out on a movable bed & transferred to ICCU which was ICU for coronary care, hence the intensive coronary care unit (ICCU).

After angiogram was performed.

He was there for 2 nights I think, yup I already lost the memory, despite his good condition. Yes, he looked seriously healthy. But that's the normal procedure for cardiac problem, despite physically healthy, a close monitor & care has to be taken cos once the attack strikes again, it can be a flat line for the patient.

Then, he was transferred to WCCU, still in the same compound. The doctor told me for cardiac problem, a patient have to stay in the hospital for at least 4 nights. Yup JD was already felt restless & couldn't wait to discharge. On Sunday, finally the doctor allowed him to be discharged.

Back to the moment when JD had the heart attack, based on his story & his colleagues', after sending Honey to kindy, he arrived at his office around 8:30am, sweating & heavily breathing. When his colleagues asked him about his condition, he said he was ok & just need to lie down for a sec. His colleague insisted him to go to a hospital. JD agreed to go & said he could drive himself. But his colleagues didn't allow him & sent him instead. At the ER, the medical staff took a look at JD & monitored his ECG. Then, the code blue was called. He told JD that his heart rate or something like that was too high & he needed to be treated immediately. So, it was really an emergency call anyway.

It could be worse. It could be a death sentence for JD. I guess life is so unpredictable indeed.

Alhamdulillah. All is well anyhow.

From 2015 to 2016

Back to 2015...

# Honey started going to kindy. She did cry on the first week of the school & the week after. I think it took months for her to accept the fact that she had to go to school. Although it took her quite sometimes to adjust to the routine, she did progressing but still it was a tiring ordeal to wake her up & prepare her in the morning.

# I started up a business with my colleagues. Actually we started it on Dec 2014. Early 2015 was quite a busy time for me. I had to pick Honey up on the afternoon & send her to the nursery. At the same time I was busy with the business. The lunch break was the time to survey the tailoring shops, have discussions & plan everything regarding our business. However on early April I quitted & sold my shares to my business partners. Beforehand, we managed to launch 2 products. So we did generate some profits :-D. This experience deserves a dedicated post. I have been planning to write about it since last year & I’m still planning on it ;-).

# Work wise, one of my project finished on April. The other one was supposed to be finished on Dec but wil be extended until this year. I am the project leader, so eventually it was up to me. It was hard to juggle between work & business. This was one of the reason why did I quit. For somebody who work full time & do business, it was a lie if they say the  business does not interfere the working hours.


2016...

# Honey went to a new kindy. Yes, we decided to stop sending her to the old kindy & register her to a new one. She went for a trial for a week in Nov & she seemed to prefer it. Furthermore, once we sent her for trial at the new kindy, there was like no turning back cos she insisted not going back to the old one. So had to register again, pay everything including new school uniforms. The monthly new kindy fee is even more expensive than the old one. I just hope we've made the best choice for Honey. Will write more about this in separate post.

# Ok 2016 resolutions:

• Eat less, slim down before raya :-P.
• Prepare PhD proposal... this one is tough cos I have no idea whatsoever but I have to start somewhere anyway.
• Spend less, save more, be rich... hahaa.
• Spend more time teaching Honey & Iman especially at night depsite feeling tired.
• Tidy & clean the house... I think this is quite impossible but there's no harm in wishing rite ;-).
• Wean off Iman from breastfeeding... she has to stop this year.
• Blog regularly... huhuu.
• Perform solat earlier & never miss reading Quran everyday.

In shaa Allah...

Pengalaman Bersalinkan Iman

Seperti ketika bersalinkan Honey, aku memilih Hospital~Putrajaya di bawah skim FPP untuk bersalinkan Iman. Masih memilih Dr~Hamidah. Aku dimasukkan ke wad pada pukul 4pm hari Jumaat, 25/10/2013 setelah ada pendarahan & contraction. Ini adalah pengalaman baru bagi aku sebab ketika bersalinkan Honey, aku tidak merasai tanda2 kelahiran. Agak panik sikit bila melihat darah yang keluar & merasakan contraction. Ketika itu bukaan baru 2cm

Selepas Maghrib, contraction semakin kuat. Memang tak mampu untuk tidur atau berehat kerana asyik beralih posisi bagi menahan kesakitan. Aku dapat rasakan lambat lagi bersalin sebab contraction berlaku dalam 8-10 minit sekali. Tak dapat bayangkan macam mana sakitnya kalau betul² dah hampir bersalin. Aku siap google adakah normal sakit yang aku rasai ketika itu. Dapat aku rumuskan, kalau kembar darah memang sakit.

Dalam pukul 9 rasanya, seorang jururawat datang. Melihat muka aku yang berkerut, dia bertanya sakit ke. Aku mengiyakan. Jururawat tersebut memberitahu dia akan memanggil doktor untuk membuat VE (vaginal examination). Tak lama kemudian datang seorang doktor perempuan bertanya aku tak kisah ke doktor lelaki untuk VE kerana disebabkan aku under FPP, hanya doktor pakar senior yang dibolehkan & yang bertugas pada malam itu hanya doktor lelaki. Aku jawab kisah, kalau boleh nak doktor perempuan juga.

Dalam pukul 10:00 aku telah dipanggil untuk VE. Pemeriksaan telah dijalankn oleh doktor perempuan yang bertugas di Dewan Bersalin. Bukaan dah 4cm. Aku terus meminta epidural. Pukul 11, aku telah dihantar ke Dewan Bersalin menggunakan kerusi roda. Di Dewan Bersalin aku ditempatkan di dalam bilik bersalin. Dr Hamidah melakukan VE. Katanya mungkin pukul 4am aku akan bersalin. Malam itu aku bermalam di bilik bersalin.

Ketika itu contraction makin kerap, dalam 6-8 minit sekali. Sakitnya begitu intense & lama. Rasanya seperti perut, abdomen & punggung ditarik/direntap dari pelbagai arah. Badan penat, mata mengantuk tetapi untuk tidur adalah mustahil dengan contraction yang dirasai tika itu. Pukul 1am, seorang doktor lelaki muda datang & bertanya berat & tinggi aku serta mengambil carta CTG. Akhirnya, pukul 2am doktor pakar bius datang untuk memasang catheter bagi epidural. Alhamdulillah kesan epidural cepat dirasai. Ya Allah, lega sungguh rasanya. Syukur sangat. Dah tak sakit barulah boleh tidur.

Nyenyak sungguh aku tidur sehinggalah pukul 4am, JD datang. Tiada doktor melakukan pemeriksaan. Kerana terlalu mengantuk, tak larat nak fikir, aku tertidur semula & bangun pukul 6:15. JD yang menemani aku dari pukul 4am tadi juga turut terjaga dari tidur. Dr~Hamidah datang pukul 6:30 rasanya & melakukan VE. Beliau memberitahu, bukaan aku lambat & mungkin tak sempat sambut baby kerana beliau ada urusan lain pada pukul 11. Doktor pakar lelaki akan menggantikan beliau. Aku memberitahu tidak mahu doktor lelaki.

Pukul 7am, aku telah di'induce' bagi mempercepatkan kelahiran. Alhamdulillah, pukul 8:30 bukaan sudah 6cm. Pukul 9am, doktor memberitahu dah buka 9cm. Kerana kesan epidural, aku tidak merasa sakit tetapi ada rasa seperti ingin membuang air besar. Akhirnya tepat pukul 10:06am, Iman selamat dilahirkan dengan bantuan vakum setelah beberapa kali push.

Alhamdulillah, bukan sahaja Dr~Hamidah sempat menyambut kelahiran Iman, malah sempat menyudahkan jahitan. Pukul 10:50am, selesai semuanya.

Mungkin bagi sesetengah orang takde lah sakit sangat nak bersalin. Aku kira itu bahagian masing². Tak perlu lah kita mempertikaikannya. Yang penting, pengalaman bersalinkan Iman adalah antara kenangan paling manis dalam hidup.

Next post, I'll write about the comparison between cesarean operation & normal delivery based on my experience.

Today 2013, Tomorrow 2014

Hari terakhir 2013...

Phewww what a year! Lotsa things have happened.


Honey & Iman. Masih takde gambar berdua yang proper.
Most importantly now I'm a mother of 2 daughters.

Alhamdulillah, tahun ini juga aku telah dijemput menjadi tetamu Allah. Semuanya berlaku begitu pantas. Asalnya rancang pada tahun 2014, bertukar ke bulan Mei 2013, kemudian dengan izin Allah dipercepatkan ke bulan Mac.


Umrah pertama pada 18/3. What a magnificent view...
Doa dipanjatkan supaya segalanya dipermudahkan & dapat beramal ibadat tanpa gangguan, alih2 sebulan sebelum pergi dapat tau diri mengandung lagi. Tak dirancang malah tak diduga, but certainly most welcomed. Allahuakbar.

Career wise, alhamdulillah, gaji naik lagi. Lebih istimewa, aku & rakan2 telah disahkan pemangkuanke gred yang lebih tinggi. Benarlah, setiap anak itu datang dengan rezeki.

Esok bermula 2014...

Akan bermula rutin menghantar 2 orang anak ke taska. InshaAllah akan menjadi tahun terakhir Honey di taska.

I expect myself to be very busy at work. Ada projek yang mencapai deadline tahun ni. I have to think about PhD proposal seriously.

Despite getting higher salary, my budget would still be tight. Seperti kata orang, besar periuk, besar juga keraknya... huhuu. Kenapa lah nak ikutkan nafsu kan. We'll see how we're going to manage our budget this year. Perbelanjaan untuk anak2 dah tentulah meningkat, harga barang2 pun naik.

So esok tahun baru uols! Hope we would become a better person, inside & out.

A Missing Piece

I think I need to write about this before the feeling totally disappears as a reminder & lesson to myself.

Err actually I think I already forgot the feeling. Ni lah contoh manusia yang mudah lupa. So tulis apa yang ingat je lah ya.

An excerpt from the article that I googled from internet...

Feelings of grief can often accompany a miscarriage. It is natural to feel loss, sadness, anger, and even guilt, despite the fact that the end result is out of your hands.

Yup I did feel guilty at 1st & kalau direnung2 balik sampai sekarang masih ada rasa bersalah. That's why I need to write about it so that I won't forget & remember it as a lesson. A lesson to always be grateful atas kurniaan Allah, kecik atau besar, ready or not. I took a night to absorb the idea that I was pregnant again. I was scared at 1st, I was afraid that I couldn't handle the responsibilities of being a mom to a toddler & a baby. Aku lupa, that should be the last thing that I should be scared of. Aku lupa I should be scared if anything happens during the pregnancy instead.

After a nite, baru aku tersedar. Baru terfikir that I'll travel, can the pregnancy survive & so on. But my concern only regarding the need to travel to Netherlands. Somehow I thought if anything wants to happen, it'll happen due to that. Allah Maha Besar, perancanganNya is beyond our expectation. Rupa2nya balik dari Taiping on Thursday of the 1st week of Raya the bleeding started. Tak payah nak tunggu aku naik kapal terbang.

Masa mula2 keguguran, I felt like something was taken from me. I felt like I was missing something. There was a desire to replace the missing feeling by getting pregnant again. Hahaa. The feeling only lasted for a week. After a week, I guess I've got over it & finally came to my sense. I should be grateful since I still have Honey. The miscarriage only a small test. الحمدلله at least I had a chance to be pregnant again even only for a few weeks. ;-)

Allah's plan is perfect indeed. There's a reason for everything. There's a reason for the pregnancy & miscarriage ordeal. There's a reason why I had started bleeding even before traveling to Netherlands. Seriously even I thought I was ready, but if I started bleeding after travelling it'd be harder for me to take it. The guiltiness might be greater & the travel didn't worth it. Next time I'll avoid taking such risk.


Me, on the day before the unfortunate event, at the city of Delft waiting for dinner.
Now I guess it's time for us to learn & improve ourselves to be a better parents to Honey & our future kids (انشاء الله). I should take time to let my body ready & completely heal. I should be on a diet. Erghhh. No excuse untuk perut buncit anymore.

Allah mengetahui akan apa yang dikandung oleh tiap-tiap ibu, dan mengetahui apa yang kurang dari yang dikandung dalam rahim itu atau yang lebih. Dan tiap-tiap sesuatu adalah ditetapkan di sisiNya dengan kadar yang tertentu.
(Surah ar-Rad: 8)

Cheshire♒Oaks...

Jumpa pics ni dalam hard disk. As usual, sayang nak delete begitu sahaja. So before delete, abadikan dulu dalam blog.

Dalam bas.

Brunch. Masa sejuk, makan donut & minum kopi panas adalah amat melegakan.

Deretan kedai.

Cheshire 0aks adalah factory 0utlet yang berdekatan dengan Liverpool. Tapi tak lah dekat sangat. Rasanya adalah dalam 1 jam menaiki bas. Bila sebut FO, kita mesti terbayang barangan branded yg dijual pada harga yg lebih murah. Sama lah kat sini... boleh lah tahan murah... tapi kalau dah harga asal mahal giler, murah pun still mahal gak ;-). So, aku takde lah shopping sangat... tak ingat pun beli apa. Maklumlah cerita 2 tahun yang lalu :P. Tapi tengok member2 lain, macam2 gak depa beli.

Tapi kat sini tak ada lah designer boutique macam LV, Prada etc. So, tak lah menarik sangat... hiks.

Musafir di Bulan Ramadhan

Ramadhan menjelma lagi. Alhamdulillah, kita masih berkesempatan untuk menyambut bulan yang mulia ini.

Ok la, direct to the point, I'd like to share my experience when I 1st arrived in UK. Masa tu bulan puasa. Sebab tu teringat.

Bertolak dari KLIA ~11.50pm hari Sabtu. Dapat business class. Selesa tapi mungkin kerana sedikit gemuruh, tak lena tido. ~4am, FA kejutkan bangun sahur. Memang aku kata nak puasa. Masa sahur ni tak tau lah atas ruang udara negara mana.

Sambil layan movie, sambil cuba melelapkan mata.

Sampai di Heathrow rasanya ~5:30am hari Ahad waktu UK. Masa ni UK lewat 8 jam daripada Malaysia. Ok, dipendekkan cerita... beratur untuk pemeriksaan kastam, pastu tunggu plak flight ke Manchester... akhirnya sampai Manchester pukul ~12pm.

Dah sampai Manchester kene tunggu bas untuk ke universiti pula. Tunggu punya tunggu, tiba masa untuk bertolak ke universiti. Sampai di accommodation hall ~5:30pm.

Terima kunci, terus pegi bilik. Tengok kat bilik hanya ada tilam, takde bantal. Terus tanya kat mana nak dapat bantal. Kemudian ke porter's lodge untuk beli bantal, duvet & sheet.

Akhirnya ~6pm baru selesai semua. Masa untuk berehat di bilik yang begitu asing & kecil pada pandangan aku ketika itu. 6pm hari Ahad waktu UK maknanya 2am hari Isnin waktu Msia. Maknanya sudah lebih 24 jam aku meninggalkan Msia. Penat gila... dengan suasana yang begitu asing, tambahan pulak puasa, tetiba rasa sebak mengenangkan nasib diri. Hehee. Tapi nangis kejap aje... sekadar melepaskan perasaan (penat + gemuruh) :P.

Pastu keluarkan periuk nasi & beras dari dalam bag untuk masak nasi sebagai juadah berbuka puasa. Juadah berbuka aku pada hari itu cuma nasi & sambal ikan bilis. Nasib baik memang sambal ikan bilis tu kesukaan aku. So makan dengan penuh berselera. Masih ingat lagi perasaan lega setelah berbuka puasa ketika itu. Rasa penat gila beransur-ansur hilang. Esoknya terus mengikuti orientasi di universiti. Tak ada masa nak layan jet-lag.

Alhamdulillah, walaupun travel lebih 24jam & mengikuti orientasi di negara yang begitu asing, aku dapat meneruskan ibadah puasa seperti biasa.

Ok, itu cerita masa pertama kali sampai di UK. Setahun kemudian, masa back for good pun bulan puasa gak. Tapi tak lah mencabar seperti perjalanan pergi. Dari Liverpool, naik train ke Manchester ~12pm hari Rabu.

Dari Manchester, naik flight ke Heathrow. Berbuka puasa di Heathrow dengan toasted tuna with chese yang dibeli di Eat. Sedap. Flight ke KL rasanya ~10:30pm. Dalam flight, sahur pukul 1am... jam tangan masih ikut waktu UK. Yang bestnya sampai Msia ~5:30pm hari Khamis. So cuma tinggal ~2 jam untuk berbuka puasa.

Memang best dapat berbuka puasa di Msia! :)

Walau bagaimanapun, tahun ni berbuka puasa ala kadar sahaja. Sambil menunaikan ibadah puasa, sambil berdiet. Yang penting, ambil peluang tingkatkan amalan ;-). Semoga kita mendapat hidayah-Nya. Amin.

On ramblings and reminiscences

Somehow the recent 5-nights course reminds me to the MSc program. The ordeal (studying, presenting & submitting a report) is quite similar but the pressure is different. During the MSc, I took it as a challenge, but during the course, I felt somewhat fedup. The point is, the environment & the people are different.

Some people do think that others are their competitors rather than comrades & take it very seriously. Some people do believe that they couldn't compete on their own, but need some 'advantages'. Some people do feel that if the chances are equal, they are going to lose.
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Well, reminiscing about the days during the MSc program...

Lecture notes. 7 files with different colors indicate 7 subjects per semester. The source of stress.

Bila stress - makan. Sebab ni lah tak kurus-kurus. Naik lagi ada... =P

Having 2 sets of burger for a lunch/dinner with a wide range of appertizers & dessert dishes was normal.

My healthy breakfast & meal between meals.

Recess. Sambil menguyah anything yg available dlm fridge, layan online TV...

or these...

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As for me, I believe in a hard but smart work.

I had been smart but didn't work hard enough. My bad.