Two weeks ago actually...

2 weeks ago, Monday, 28/3/2016

Well one of my resolutions for this year is spend less & save more. It's not easy when the temptation is about everywhere... name it friends, families & social media. The temptation to have everything or something nice, new, high end, latest & fun.

The installment for the car that I'm driving now has settled already. The car itself is almost 11 years. At first, JD did... I don't know the word even in Malay... pujuk? Kenen? But it was something like that... me buying a new car. He suggested quite a few cars. I don't see the point since I'm very comfortable with the car. It's old but it works fine. That's all I care. Serve the purpose of transporting me to work everyday. Sometimes we switch car because he wants to go to his work site. Fine, his car is big, comfortable but seriously I don't like driving it. I have to be more careful because I can't just squeeze in like I normally do, need more space to park & feel bulky.

The handphone that I used now is already 3 years old. Can be considered as an old phone for some people. JD himself had changed his phone thrice within these 3 years. He used to use the same handphone like mine. He also encourages me to buy a new phone knowing that my current handphone is not up to standard compare to the latest one. My friends did suggest me buying an iPhone. Yup, I do think iPhone 6S in rose gold is gorgeous. But I'm comfortable using Android. I don't wanna a headache trying to sync my iPhone using iTunes just for the sake of transferring musics & videos. But for some using iPhone is considered cool & lavish. I do consider of switching to iPhone because I don't find any Android phones that I like nowadays. I don't want Samsung & Sony's Z5 design turns me off. But I kinda afraid I might don't like it. I don't like iTunes for sure... used to have an iPod & decided to stop using it just because I don't like to deal with iTunes. It might be the same situation like the car. Something lavish, nicer & considered cool for other people might not be for me.

Actually I typed the above paragraphs last Friday. Now reading it again, I'm not sure where I'm leading to. So let's just continue & finish it with whatever I'm thinking now.

Not to talk about handbag. I have several friends who wear high label designer handbag like LV, Prada, Gucci & even Chanel. But there's no pressure for me to wear one too. I do have a couple but I rarely wear them. There will be pressure if we feel like to compete. We tend to have the same luxurious thing & so called high lifestyle. Even the definition of high lifestyle is vague. Some people think by having branded item, some by dining at fine restaurants & some think it must be all of them.  We'll spend on something unnecessary just because to be looked great in a real life & worse, social medias especially.

Alhamdulillah I guess I'm not easily succumb to "peer-pressure" which actually doesn't really exist. It only exists in our mind. When other people talk about their achievements, vacations, meal they've eaten & goods they've bought, it's up to us to think that they're just bragging or showing off or just sharing their joy & excitation. Just like an FB status that I recently read about people who's 'eksyen'. It's either we 'eksyen' back or just listen & try to learn something from their stories. If we don't agree, just keep quite. That's what our Prophet (PBUH) encouraged. So we don't waste time on arguing, trying to compete on something that is only duniawi.

It's good to have a big house, a big car, spend on fine meals, travel oversea & wear designer things but in the end it's our life. How do we want to lead our lives are up to us. Do we prefer to have a lot of saving with moderate life style or just spend lavishly & have only enough until our next pay day? Am speaking in the context of middle income just like me & most people around me, not about rich people. The ideal of course having both. But as I always remind myself the best place to live is within your budget. & even we've gained more money, it's not an excuse to spend more cos when Allah blesses you financially, don't raise your standard of living, raise your standard of GIVING! InshaaAllah, as a reminder to myself.


Today, Friday, 15/4/2016...

Let's recite al-Kahf!

Asrama

Sehari dua ini, FB timeline aku dipenuhi dengan status2 para ibu bapa menghantar anak2 mereka ke MSRM & sekolah berasrama penuh (SBP). Mesti gembira & bangga kan anak2 bersekolah yang berprestij, yang hanya menempatkan pelajar2 terpilih.

Bagi aku & JD, kami pernah berbincang sebelum Honey lahir lagi. Anak2 kami tidak boleh masuk asrama. JD pernah bersekolah asrama ketika Tingkatan 4 & 5, & baginya duduk asrama tidak seronok, jauh sekali mengajar anak2 berdikari. Aku setuju kerana melihat ramai rakan2 sekolah asrama yang lebih manja daripada aku. Mungkin kerana bila bersekolah asrama, masa pulang ke rumah diraikan oleh ibu bapa & dilayan agak istimewa. Bagi aku sendiri pula, sekolah biasa pun ok. Aku mendapat tawaran ke MRSM Jasin ketika Tingkatan 4, tetapi aku tolak. Aku percaya, di sekolah biasa pun boleh berjaya. Yang pasti boleh tentukan sendiri waktu belajar. Tidak perlu mengikut waktu yang disediakan oleh sekolah, yang biasanya dipanggil prep(aration) class. Paling penting, aku ingin melihat sendiri anak2 membesar di depan mata. Bagi aku usia 12 tahun masih terlalu awal untuk dilepaskan. Lebih2 lagi anak perempuan. Kerana anak perempuan juga lah aku rasa JD mempunyai kuasa veto untuk menentukan Honey & Iman boleh masuk asrama atau tidak. Jadi kalau ditakdirkan mereka ingin masuk asrama, kene lah pujuk JD.

Bukan untuk menghakimi, tetapi aku merasakan seperti menjadi suatu kebanggaan pula bila anak dapat tawaran & masuk asrama. Ada juga yang aku lihat berdasarkan status & komen, anak tidak berapa teringin nak masuk asrama tetapi si ibu yang beriyer2. Susah juga aku nak memahami kerana bagi aku sekolah bukan faktor penentu kejayaan & di sekolah biasa juga boleh berjaya. Sebab itu juga aku sedikit pun tidak merasa terkilan apabila menolak untuk masuk MRSM. Nasib baik Mak tak tergolong dalam golongan ibu yang beriyer2 ni. Tak tahu lah jika di kemudian hari aku juga akan beriyer2. Ketika itu, kalau membaca pos ini pasti aku akan malu sendiri.

Zaman sekarang sememangnya tak sama macam dulu termasuklah pendidikan. Aku lihat zaman sekarang, ramai ibu bapa memilih sekolah swasta, atas alasan lebih islamik, medium bahasa Inggeris & sebagainya. Pastinya sebagai ibu bapa kita mahukan yang terbaik untuk anak2. Jadi mungkin kerana itu, ramai yang memilih untuk memasukkan anak2 ke sekolah berasrama seawal 12/13 tahun kerana sememangnya sekolah berasrama seperti MRSM & SBP mempunyai reputasi yang lebh baik. Risau juga kerana kemungkinan besar yang tinggal di sekolah biasa adalah anak2 yang kurang berpotensi dari segi akademik. Kurang berpotensi dari segi akademik ya, tak semestinya tidak boleh berjaya. Boleh dilihat rakan2 sekelas aku, mungkin mereka kurang bijak, keputusan PMR tidak melayakkan mereka ke sekolah lain, mereka tiada pilihan untuk bertukar sekolah tetapi boleh dikatakan semua sudah berjaya sekarang. Ada seorang tu, 2 kali mengulang SPM, sekarang sudah bergelar pensyarah & sedang menyambung pengajian di peringkat PhD.

Tapi ya lah, perkembangan anak2 juga dipengaruhi oleh rakan2 mereka melainkan anak2 ini mepunyai jati diri yang kuat (macam aku :D). Tapi apa lah yang dapat dijangkakan daripada anak2 yang baru meningkat remaja ni kan. Lebih2 lagi dalam era yang mencabar dengan terlalu banyak unsur2 luar & gejala sosial. Mungkin ini akan jadi faktor untuk aku membuat keputusan untuk Honey & Iman kelak. Apa yang aku harapkan & sentiasa berdoa semoga mereka menjadi anak2 yang baik, berjaya di dunia & akhirat. InsyaAllah, tak payah masuk asrama. Duduk rumah, Mama jaga ok. Nak makan apa, nanti Mama masak. Huhuhuu...

Happiness

I'd like to start writing again. I will.

On the way back from a conference, we talked about happiness. It started with a conversation on how ambitious some people are. It's ok for being ambitious but not to the point of being unethical or pain-in-the-ass.

Inner happiness. I think that's what people nowadays lack off. It's a social media era where people need other people to acknowledge their happiness. Or in a positive tone, people need to share their happiness with others. Meanwhile, in other words, people needs the world to know that they are happy & what makes them happy.

They are so many reasons to be happy. Oh I just being promoted. My kid got straight As in exam. My husband is very loving & romantic. Hey, we have a great holiday. We just move to a new house. I'm driving a new car. See what I have for lunch/dinner. The list goes on & it goes straight to our friends' timeline. Outer happiness - when we feel dissatisfied or not really content or feeling incomplete with the happiness unless other people know about it.

I'm not judging. I'm sincerely happy for my friends hence I like the updates. I guess by not sharing it doesn't make them less happier. I hope so. Or else, it's time to find the inner happiness. This is just a reminder for myself to be happy & just be happy. That's it. With or without others acknowledgement. Period.

Some people make the world more special just by being in it... Aren't they?? ;-)

Boikot

Dulu, aku tak lah berminat sangat nak memboikot. For me, I didn't find that my role was significant enough to give impact. Rasa macam sama je kalau boikot dengan tak boikot. Until when I was in Jakarta early last month, aku terbaca satu blog bercerita pasal iklan yang telah diluluskan oleh US untuk dipaparkan di subway station, bas etc.


How come US boleh luluskan this kind of advertisment even just for 4 weeks?? From that day on, aku bertekad untuk boikot produk US. I whatsapped JD, told him that no more Shell after this. Siap tekad no more Coach, DKNY & Levi's. Tak kisah lah aku sorang je yang boikot. It just that, I myself despise them & I have lost interest to purchase their products.

Apabila Palestin diserang rejim Zionis laknatullah, kempen memboikot barangan Israel & yang menyumbang kepada Israel kembali hangat. Ada yang bersungguh2, ada juga yang begitu pessimist menganggap ini isu bermusim. Ada juga yang rasa tak guna memboikot atas pelbagai alasan. Kalau dulu, I thought it might be difficult for us to understand since we were not that exposed to the outside world. But now where FB, blog & other social medias are powerful & has becoming part of our life, just hard to believe that there are still ignorant people out there especially among young generation.


Lucky for me, based on the list above it won't be hard for me to boycott. I'm not a coffee lover & I don't even find it cool to hang out at Starbucks & pretend like I enjoy the coffee. I used to be DKNY perfume & Loreal skin care user, but I didn't mind to switch to any other products & I did switch. The hardest one to boycott will be McD. Huhuu. But somehow, I didn't even know that they gave free breakfast last Monday.

On Wednesday morning, as usual menonton MHI ketika menyiapkan Honey. I like the idea of the show guest. One of the way to stop Israel is by giving pressure to US. Dia bagi contoh ketika Perang Ramadan pada tahun 1973 kot. Pengeluar2 minyak yang mostly as we know adalah negara2 Islam, menaikkan harga minyak yang dieksport ke US (since diorang tak eksport ke Israel). As we know, US penyokong kuat Israel (& depa tak kisah orang tau sebab tu lah iklan support Israel tu pun boleh diluluskan). Israel sendiri rasanya takkan seberani itu kalau takde geng yang kuat macam US. As for US plak, depa lah untung sebab boleh bekalkan senjata (just a theory but I believe it) & ekonomi tak tergugat pun sebab orang dok fokus on camna nak melumpuhkan ekonomi Israel dengan cara memboikot terutamanya McD. But it's time to stop questioning others. We should ask ourselves instead what are we going to do.

Masing2 ada cara tersendiri untuk membantu Palestin termasuklah dengan cara memboikot... sampai macam nak bergaduh plak sebab isu boikot ni. Apa pun let's not be judgemental when we see others at McD or Starbucks. For some of us, maybe dia tak boikot McD, tapi maybe banyak benda lain yang dia boikot begitu juga sebaliknya. Ada yang boleh boikot McD, tapi tak sanggup tak minum kopi Starbucks. Or maybe tak boikot langsung. As I said masing2 ada cara tersendiri.

Gencatan senjata dah dicapai. But still Palestine is not free. Keep praying for the safety of all our brothers & sisters k.


© Posted from my henpon

Last Day @ Jakarta

Yay! Can't wait to go home. Harap2 flight tak delay.

Besides learning from the workshop, here I also learn other thing... they might be poor, their value of money compare to ours are low but they are rich with hospitalities. If there is evaluation, I'll give the organiser full mark. Basically while I was here, I didn't need to spend any money. They provide everything. Even when we went out for visit/sight-seeing they provided us with mineral water. Or I might be just lucky with the organiser. But I like to think +ve. So they are indeed nice people.


At one of the entrances of the workshop venue.
Mereka juga kreatif mencari rezeki. When I arrived at the airport I felt like I was being bugged by them when they offered help to carry the bag etc. Of course their assistance are not free. But think about it again now, they don't ask much actually. I think 5k rupiah will do which is ~RM1.50. Last night I went to a shopping mall nearby with the Myanmar lady (Cho) accompanied by an Indo girl (Tanty). It was raining by the time we wanted to go back so we needed an umbrella to find a mini bus. Tanty brought her own. Suddenly there was a boy which was already wet carry an umbrealla, so Tanty called the boy & the boy gave the umbrella to me. Me & Cho shared the umbrella while the young boy followed us in the rain. Tanty gave him 4k rupiah. I wanted to give more but Tanty didn't allow me. Poor that young boy. Hope he'll be in good health. It makes me think how rich we are. We would spent so much to eat, but for some even they stayed whole night in the rain, they couldn't afford the single meal that we had. Sekurang-kurangnya mereka ini mencari rezeki yang halal dengan membantu orang lain.

Ok, sampai ketemu lagi...

Selamat Sore

Hari ini aku meninggalkan Honey lagi. Huwaaaa! Sungguh aku tak rasa seronok. Dalam diam, aku bertekad tak mau lah out-station dah walaupun cuma 1 minggu sampai Honey dah pandai cakap & faham sikit which is 2 years old maybe. I guess I just have to say bye bye to on-job training & attachment. Note to myself, apply PhD so that tak yah fikir pasal kursus/latihan lagi for next 4 years.

Macam2 bermain di fikiran. Dah lah Honey kurang sihat sekarang. I try to be +ve, I know that Honey will be in good hands just like before when I went to Delft but somehow still I feel worried. Ni baru anak sorang, dah risau nak mampus... kalau ramai tak tau lah camna. Sometimes I guess not only I'm not fit physically to have more kids, but I'm not fit emotionally too. I read somewhere that once you have a child it's possible to be worried 24/7. Very true.

Somehow I feel so tired right now even though it was only 2 hours flight. Maybe because I could hardly sleep last night. So that's all for today. Good nite from Jakarta.

The Reality Hurts More

I'm in Holland, alone, for business purpose, no family or friend.

I felt the pain, but stayed in the meeting patiently. When I saw the heavy flow of bleeding I knew that it was coming. Then I decided to join the visit to the reactor facility. I thought I was ready.

Right after we finished visiting the reactor, I felt something came out. I felt warm & the pain subsided somehow.

I went to the toilet to check. As I had expected, a clot as big as my thumb was there. I thought it was a blood clot, but it wasn't. It was harder. It was more like meat.

In the meeting I tried hard to compose myself. It was a very challenging moment for me.

In my room, I couldn't help myself but cried my heart out. I just had miscarriage.

Here, alone in Holland, I'm feeling devastated. I'm mentally ready indeed for the misfortune. But now I learn, the reality actually hurts more.

Allah knows best. Everything happens for a reason. I relent.

Mood Raya: Off

Makin nak raya, makin kurang plak mood beraya. Apa taknya, dalam kepala dok fikir persiapan meeting pada minggu ke2 raya nanti. So kene pastikan semua cukup sebelum cuti raya. Benda yang nak kene print, kene print siap2. Camna nak gi hotel daripada airport, kene kaji. Tetiba boleh terasa sayu plak bila dengar lagu raya sebab semua orang dah takde mood keje, mood raya dah on, aku masih bekerja bersungguh2. Ok, tak baik merungut. Dah ni lah mata pencarian, redha je lah.

Pastu rumah nak kene kemas. Haihhh kalau tak memikirkan my PIL nak datang tolong jaga Honey semasa ketiadaan aku nanti, memang tak ingin kemas rumah. Sib baik ruang tamu JD dah settlekan. But still baju belum berlipat, meja belum dilap & yang paling utama sekali dapur belum dibersihkan. Sounds like a lot of works to me. Langsir pun belum cuci. Macam tak sempat je rasanya nak buat semua tu.

Dah tau keje banyak, sibuk tulis blog. Err tapi kalau dah malam gini baik beribadat lagi2 malam2 terakhir Ramadhan ni. Tak pun, tido :P

Just A Note

Hari ini rasanya begitu istimewa sekali.

Iskk tak tau plak macam mana nak cerita. But sure I feel so blessed. Masa awal Ramadhan dulu ada niat nak list down the things that I should be grateful for so that I'll always be grateful. Rezeki, kesihatan yang baik, orang2 yang tersayang maybe sound too common but it is indeed a blessing to have those.

Of course bila dah ada anak ni, tak yah susah2 nak rasa diri bertuah... tengok muka anak je & I know that I've been blessed. More reasons to be grateful. At the same time, rasa dirahmati juga kerana dapat anak lambat. I learn a lot from the experience. More important things I learn to be more stronger, humble & grateful. So to those yang masih trying to conceive, jangan plak rasa tak dirahmati. It's tough especially for a bit control freak like me tapi percayalah ada hikmah. Dekat kan diri dengan Allah & you'll find the strength to not giving up. Ohh panjang lagi ceritanya kalau nak teruskan topik ni.

Bear with me, I can feel that PMS is striking rite now.

Let's back to the original topic. Hari ni kumpulan tadarus aku khatam Quran. Terasa syukur, teruja, gembira masa khatam tu. I feel truly blessed. Allah telah izinkan aku untuk berada di dalam satu kelompok rakan2 yang baik. Ramadhan tahun ini terasa lebih bermakna. Mula2 terasa macam tak mampu nak commit, started creating many excuses tapi cuba juga. Alhamdulillah, moga Allah terus lapangkan hati ini untuk menerima segala kebaikan & ilmu untuk dekat kepada-Nya.

Hari ini juga aku mendapat khabar gembira. The project proposal that I had submitted in May had been approved. Alhamdulillah. Ni pun ada cerita di sebaliknya. Betapa pada suatu ketika aku bengang gila bila dapat tahu the proposal won't be submitted to ministry directly but had to be screened 1st by the internal committee. Sedangkan masa tu konon dah target nak start projek (kalau dapat) pertengahan tahun ni. Nak buat camna, bengang pun tak guna kalau dah itu prosedurnya. So I took the chance to correct & refine my proposal based on the committee comments & previous proposals. Moreover we're kinda busy rite now. Nasib baik ubah start projek tahun depan. Ternyata perancangan Allah adalah yang terbaik.

Syukur kepada Allah bukan setakat di hati & lahir melalui kata2. Patutnya dizahirkan melalui perbuatan dengan mengerjakan segala suruhan-Nya dan meninggalkan segala larangan-Nya. A note to myself.

Ujub Zaman Moden

Jom baca...

Ujub Zaman Moden | iluvislam.com discover the beauty of islam

Kadang2 bila menulis blog, takut juga ada unsur riak. Walaupun tak berniat nak menunjuk, but some persons might interpret so. Lebih takut lagi, memang asalnya tak berniat nak menunjuk atau membangga diri, tapi sebagai manusia biasa yang tak lepas dari godaan syaitan, mungkin tanpa disedari terlahir pula perasaan ujub.
نعوذبالله من ذلك

The truth is I just love writing or scribbling or rambling or taking pics. Whatever it is. Cuma masa membataskan aktiviti blogging ni. Just like I told my friend recently, there are 2 things that I love to do with internet (especially in order to utilize my henpon & the data plan) - blogging & online shopping. I don't like facebooking, twittering, chatting etc. Actually I did thinking of setting this blog to private & had done it. The problem is, I also love reading my blog & hate it when I have to login to read my own blog.

But I guess, since this blog is so picisan... it should be ok right? Hope it is. If it's not, hope I'll have the determination to privatize this blog. Ehh not to say that bloggers with many followers should stop blogging or privatize their blogs. I believe they have many followers cos they are awesome & wonderful bloggers. As for me, I know I'm a boring one. I know, I know. Ada aku kesah? Hehee kerana blog ni picisan macam takde reader lah, I'm comfortable writing in it. Kalau ramai followers, nantijadi macam Facebook, nak update pun segan... walaupun hakikatnya 'friends' ciput je kalau compare dengan orang lain :-P.

Nak kene latih hati supaya berhati-hati. Bersempena bulan yang penuh rahmat ni, hopefully we'll become a better person, offline & online.
Moga hati ini dipelihara daripada riak & ujub.
Amin.

Ramadhan Comes Again

الحمدلله
I feel so blessed lately & I would like to express my gratefulness by jotting down the things that have made me feel so as a reminder for myself to always be grateful.

But I don't have time now, will do so later. Hope the time permits... إنشاء الله

Most of all, it's such a blessing to have another opportunity to celebrate Ramadhan.

Selamat berpuasa & Selamat beramal.

Talking About Me & Myself

Pernahkan anda merasa boring dengan diri anda sendiri? Pada tika & saat ini, saya sedang merasainya. Saya boring dengan perut saya yang buncit & koleksi pakaian serta tudung di dalam almari. Saya teringin nak bertukar imej dengan memakai selendang. Tapi masa yang cukup limited di waktu pagi tidak mengizinkan saya untuk melilit selendang di kepala. Mungkin saya hanya memerlukan koleksi pakaian & tudung yang baru. Rasa nak amik plastik sampah & campak semua baju dalam almari ke dalam plastik sampah tu. Tapi saya tak boleh turutkan hati, nanti saya tak ada baju nak pakai gi kerja esok & hari2 yang seterusnya.

Lately saya rasa saya terlalu rancak berbelanja. Awning di porch dah siap dipasang. Kosnya mencecah beribu2 RM kerana ditambah lapisan PU bagi menyerap haba & bunyi. Semalam kami telah ke kedai perabot untuk membeli kerusi untuk diletakkan di porch. We ended up buying a double sitter sofa worth RM950. Ya, hanya 1 kerusi tapi harganga hampir mencecah RM1k... untuk diletakkan di luar rumah bagi kucing terbiar menumpang tidur & berkemungkinan besar akan dijadikan tandas sekali bagi kucing tersebut.

Errr kalau nak cerita aktiviti pembaziran yang lain, boleh jadi menyesal & makan hati plak nanti. Actually barang2 yang dibeli memang diperlukan. Cuma ada pilihan yang murah & munasabah pada dompet sendiri, tapi yang mahal (based on my budget) tu jugak yang berkenan di hati. Jadi cukup2 lah berbelanja. Niat untuk buka wardrobe baru terpaksa ditunda. Pakai je lah apa yang ada. :(

Btw, last week had been a hectic week for Honey & us. Nak juga cerita pasal Honey. I might sound like I'm obsessed with my lil Honey, kalau ya pun tak salah kan... anak sendiri, sorang lak tu. But actually I'm not. I only talk/write about Honey frequently here, terpulanglah kalau ada yang nak membaca. Takde lah setiap kali berbual, mesti nak cerita pasal Honey. Kalau camtu, mau naik kematu telinga yang terpaksa mendengar benda yang sama hampir setiap hari.

Just now, JD interrupted me by asking about Masterchef~Celebriti yang sedang ditayangkan...
JD: Masterchef ni start bila sebenarnya?
Me: Hari Sabtu.
JD: Apasal kita tak tengok semalam?
Me: Kita tengok lah semalam, yang diorang masak ikan haruan tu.

Pastu JD macam tak puas hati dengan jawapan aku.
JD: Sape terkeluar yang ni?
Me: Mana tau lagi... ni yang latest.
JD: Ohh... kalau camtu setiap hari Ahad lah.
Me: Bukan... cerita ni hari Sabtu, Ahad, Isnin, Selasa... 4x seminggu (actually aku pun tak sure, tapi yang pasti lebih dari sehari lah seminggu.)
JD: Ohh... patut lah, ingat sekali seminggu.
Me: (Patut lah macam tak paham2.)
Ini namanya minor miscommunication. ;)

Pada aku Masterchef~Malaysia so far, whether for celebrity or non-celebrity adalah tak berapa best compare to Masterchef~US or Australia. Tu yang sambil tengok, main henpon, update blog. Rekod pun tak.

Ok lah, nak pack barang Honey ke taska esok...

Which One?

I just update another site of mine. Tak tau lah kenapa, I really want this hangbag...


I like the color & size. Tapi macam membazir pulak. There're bags that I've stopped using which are still in a good condition. Hmm... furthermore there're not just handbags, there're designer handbags. I've promised before to use them sampai lebam. Tapi nak beg ni gak... hehee...

At the same time, I think maybe instead of buying the bag, I should buy a sewing machine to realize my new planned hobby. Harga dah lebih kurang. Tapi handbag memang for sure aku akan pakai, just the matter for how long. Kalau mesin jahit, I'm afraid jadi tempat kumpul habuk je since in the time being, I don't see when can I actually sew something. Lepas tu rosak sebab tak pakai.

Think, think...

Atau pun tak payah beli dua2... which is the wisest decision ;-).

This Is Serious!

Esok aku nak start diet *muka serius*. My mind interprets the sentence as "tomorrow I'm gonna start torturing myself". Based on my experience before, being on a diet is torturing indeed. Apa tak nya... kalori kene bersukat, tak boleh makan sesuka hati ikut sedap anak tekak. Tapi nak buat camna, perut ni dah macam pregnant 6 bulan. Orang ingatkan sebab pas bersalin. Hakikatnya simple aje... sebab aku kuat makan. Dari dulu memang kuat makan. Bezanya dulu muda sikit dari sekarang. Hence, higher metabolism.

Actually, lepas abis pantang, perut bolehlah dikatakan agak flat. Berat lebih 2kg je drp sebelum pregnant. Memang masa pantang aku kurang makan. Selera pun kurang cos baru nak adjust with my new role as a mother. Once dah get used to it, apa lagi selera makan pun naik lah macam biasa malah mencanak-canak.

Dah, tak mau cakap banyak. Esok start diet. Sungguh.

Bila hati gedik nak bercuti...

Semalam MC. So far, nampak gayanya setiap kali checkup, takde masalah nak dapat MC. MC kerajaan lak tu. Since dpt MC, mula2 ingat nak jalan2... tapi takde idea nak jalan ke mana. So just stayed at home, layan X-Men. Tapi DVD tersekat-sekat plak :(. So cita2 nak buat marathon terpaksa dibatalkan. Tunggu D beli blu-ray lah.

Penangan daripada MC semalam, aku rasa macam takde mood nak keje hari ni. Biasanya bersemangat nak pegi keje (serius!). Pagi tadi pun susah nak bangun tidur. Bunyi jam loceng boleh termasuk dalam mimpi. Itu tanda2 lah tu that it'd be an unproductive day. Tiba2 rasa perlu sangat2 bercuti. Tak boleh dah tunggu weekend. Nak kene bercuti esok gak. So ligat lah kepala dok pikir nak gi mana. Mula2 ingat nak ajak D naik Genting sebab nak tempat yang sejuk. Pikir balik, nak buat apa. Bukan boleh main roller coaster pun. Lagipun baik D simpan cuti untuk masa2 kecemasan nanti ;).

Tepon Mak, tanya ada idea tak nak bercuti kat mana. As expected, Mak cakap tempat favorite dia. Tempat favorite Mak tu memang dah fully booked time cuti sekolah ni. Siap offer diri nak bawak Mak kalau Mak ada hajat nak gi melawat sedara mara. Janji cuti tak duduk rumah. Tapi takde plak sedara mara yang kediaman ala2 resort. Hiks... demand. Pastu Mak kata nak bercuti dalam hutan. Ha... terpikir satu tempat ni. Search kat internet & call sales office nak tau ada tak lagi chalet yang available. Chalet yang aku minat tak available pulak. Tu lah, plan lagi cuti last minute. Akhirnya book je lah mana2 yang available. Tu pun nasib baik ada. We'll see ok ke tak ok tempat tu.

Yay, yang penting cuti! =D

Be, & it is...

It has been raining all day. I feel like munching something now. Maybe due to the cold weather, my stomach seems to be empty. However, since I rarely feel this way, I have nothing to munch here at my home. No biscuits or whatsoever. So, to distract myself, here I am, typing something for my blog.

"For me, my thing is my whole life I work very hard for everything & I succeed because I really put my mind into it. I work day & night, I'd do whatever it takes to win & I try to be a winner. This is something I can't win, you know & I just don't understand. I don't know. I just don't understand why it hasn't happen for us..."

- Giuliana in Giuliana&Bill S3E4

I don't follow the show but now & then I happen to watch it like last nite. I understand how she feels. Yes, there are things in this life that we could (simply) achieve if we work very hard like getting a degree, climbing a hill, running in a marathon, traveling around the world & shedding a few kilos. However, for this one thing, hard work & determination or even money are not the key to make it happen.

Luckily, as a Muslim I believe that life & death are Allah's affairs. Some things are just beyond our control. It'll only happen solely with Allah's will no matter how healthy & normal we are or how many efforts we put into it. It's not like driving a car to our desired destination where we ourselves could steer the car following the route that we have planned to take. Even so, still we arrive safely at our destination with Allah's will.

"And Allah has full power and control over His Affairs..."

(Qur'an 12: 21)

So, just be grateful as for every trial, there will be reward for those who are patient. :)

"Peace be upon you for that you persevered in patience!" 
(Qur'an: 13: 24)

I just remember that I have a box of Coco~Crunch in the kitchen cabinet.

Blurry

Yesterday I had meetings for the whole day.

*Pause*

Eh, apa yang aku nak cerita sebenarnya ye? Hilang ingatan sekejap.

Oh yer, today I guess I have ruined my diet. I ate a lot! Fine, I just have to try to start over. If I had done it before, should be no problem lah to repeat the diet regimen again kan... but I was wrong. It needed a very strong determination before & it is now which I'm certainly lacking of. Ok, I don't wanna talk about this. Not now.

Actually something is weighing on my mind now. I'm quite certain before, but after the meeting yesterday, I kinda have doubt. But think about it again... whenever I'm stuck, somehow, InsyaAllah, I'd find the way. Hopefully sooner or later, I will. So I guess just take it easy. Oh, it's not just 'something', there are some things actually. Hmmm.

Ok, I hate this kind of post & now I'm typing it. Rather than straight to the point, it's just a blur. Yes, I'm criticizing my own post. Alrite, I'm off to watch TV.

Just one week away...

I don't feel like celebrating, especially when there's no extra holiday. Not that in previous years I did celebrate, but since it was holiday, I thought it was kinda necessary to do something. But I do want a cake! Somehow lately I have a sweet tooth. Not from the famous Secret~Recipe though. Dah muak. But of course I want a delicious one.

I'd like to have a year-end-vacation. But since I just came back from US, had a blast shopping spree & an enjoyable trip to S.Francisco, I feel like keeping the experience as the closing of the year. It's an early celebration for me & I already bought myself a gift there. A few hours before leaving SF while having dinner at the airport, it hit me - Hey, I just won a free trip to SF! A free trip with pocket money!! That was how I suddenly felt. Luckily the feeling didn't hit me earlier or else I'd enter high-end designer boutiques to buy myself a new handbag maybe as a gift. Just kidding. Don't think the pocket money is that big & I won't buy a new handbag for the next 3 years :P.

Another fact also hit me - one door shuts, another opens. Allah maha adil. When one door shuts, just believe, another door will be opened. So don't be sad upon the closed door. Don't be arrogant over the opened one.

A view from an opened door.

Just one week away to shut 2010 door & open a new one that leads to 2011. Hopefully 2011 will be a brighter year as I grow a year wiser, insyaAllah.

Something to ponder...

Last night I watched Grey's Anatomy, my current fav tv show... Actually I'm so in love with this series.

Not only I enjoyed the show, but I've learned big lessons too... 3 big lessons...

1. "I'm afraid I just couldn't use you."

Not every word means like the way you've heard it. U're hurt but that doesnt mean that u r meant to be hurt. Sometimes, the one that have hurt u, hurt worse for unspeakable reason.

2. "Everything is not about you."

U think u've done something wrong, u think it's ur fault. No it isn't. You couldnt figure out the reason doesnt mean that u r the reason. Sometimes the reason is lying within them. They dont tell u for reason.


3. "I'm here for you whatever it is. Whenever you're ready I'm here."

When u hurt, when u think it's about u... u tend to back off instead of being there... just being there for whatever reason it is and whenever the other person is ready.

Something to ponder about...

(*The pictures are taken from Grey's Anatomy Insider)